Be Well, Be Good, and Have Fun

I was prompted to elaborate a bit on the topic of mental health in kink after a troubling exchange with a sub. As you may have noticed, I conclude all of my podcast episodes with a wish to you, that you be well, be good, and have fun. Let’s talk a bit about this, specifically about your mental wellbeing.

One behavior of Doms and subs that I find especially problematic — and forgive my criticism if you feel attached to it — is the annulment of a sub to the point of utter worthlessness. It's a behavior that I see practiced by Doms putting down subs so completely, and by subs, adopting the view that their low place under Doms makes them worthless.

It pains me to see a sub losing sight of his self worth. My view is that even in his submission, a sub is asserting his worth, because he (or she or they or it) is giving the Dom a place above him. In reality, we are all equals, by birthright as human beings. A Dom or even an Alpha, is not really superior to others. He enjoys superiority only through the eyes of others, who imagine him to be above them.

I don't see why a Dom would put down a sub so much as to think he has no worth. At worst, the mindset, if it is internalized can lead to self-destruction, addiction, and suicide ideation. This is not the right way to enjoy Domination and submission. Once again, the Dom gets all his power from the sub. If he destroys the sub, he can no longer enjoy the power he got from him.

Be well — that's the first part of my closing message. It's such a standard statement, yet so important. Before we can have fun, we need our health, and that includes our mental health. Then I wish that you all be good. Do good in the world, without harming each other, so we can all keep having fun. Ultimately, I'm a hedonist. That's what I think I can get out of life — a whole lot of fun. Aiming for good health and being good to each other are essential, but the ultimate objective is to have fun.

I implore every one of you who is reading this to take good care of yourself. Put yourself first. I know I do. That doesn't mean being egotistical. Trust me, I'm far from it. But I want to be well and have a good time in whatever I do.

Just to offer an example, I booked a brief hotel break in the middle of my three-week stay at my Master's place. It's not what my Master would've liked and it came with a $300 bill, but I felt it was a worthwhile investment in my wellbeing, just to regain some autonomy and relieve some stress. If you want to hear more about it, I'll talk about it in my next bonus podcast episode.

I'm also about to go on a gay cruise by myself for the first time, even though single occupancy is costing me twice as much as if I'd gone on the trip with my Master. Frankly, he would have preferred to join. But I felt I needed to treat myselft after a couple of rough months, and I've been curious what a gay cruise is like when you're not cock-blocked by your Master. I'll be sure to report on that too!

You see, I'm deeply committed to my mental health. When I went through a crisis, I sought the help of a therapist. And I strongly recommend therapy to anyone who is feeling so down that he thinks he's worthless. He isn't. He would only be worthless if he's gone. So please, please, take care of yourselves. There's no reason you shouldn't see yourself as number one, especially  in terms of health and wellness.

I could go deeper into our fantasies of total submission and even self-obliteration. Those are not abstract ideas but real fantasies, and I'm not discounting them at all. I understand their appeal and at times I've gone too far too. But that doesn't serve us. Fuck the Doms who think our destruction serves them or don't try hard enough to prevent our destruction under their domination. We all have a responsibility to take care of ourselves, but Doms have a responsibility too, as their influence can really consume a sub sometimes.

I hope you don't find this to be lecturing or self-righteous. What I'm saying is that I understand that our kinky behaviors can be very diverse. The problem is that some of them can be very harmful. There's so much we can do with our kink without harming ourselves or others, so let's do that.

Be well, be good, and have fun!