Being Pathetic
Discussing what it means to be pathetic, with examples of my pathetic behavior and some words of caution.
Pathetic, according to the dictionary, means:
- Arousing pity, especially through vulnerability or sadness; or
- Miserably inadequate; of very low standard.
I was thinking about this after the FinDom I've been worshipping recently, the subject of my story, Meeting Master Jay, called me pathetic. Looking back at my chats with Master GingerDom29, he too called me pathetic. Both of them probably didn't intend the first meaning—because they don't really pity fags. They don't give a fuck. They're more on the abusive side. It's more about being miserably inadequate in their eyes, and indeed, of very low standard, as a fag comes to debase himself and present himself as lowly as possible, begging to be at a Master's feet.
Just one day after I began exchanging messages with Master GingerDom, he identified me as pathetic. He said: "You don’t deserve real cock—a pathetic fag like you only deserves cashcock." Later that day he said: "Your pathetic loose sloppy cashcunt is mine to use and abuse as I see fit."
Then, you can guess what his reaction was when I mentioned that I debased myself completely, by sharing the video in which I was being used as a urinal, being fed piss by another locked guy through a urinal gag. He said: "I saw that faggot—so pathetic for all the internet to see."
The Masters who are especially good at making subs submit to them, perhaps beyond what they're used to, are probably also quite good at identifying and incentivizing pathetic behavior. We're usually expected by society to be well-behaved. In order to be accepted as equal citizens, we are encouraged to present ourselves as decent, valuable and contributing members of society. Masters are the only ones who give us permission and legitimacy to devalue ourselves and present ourselves as inferior and indeed pathetic. And in turn, that gives them the right to use us, because we accept that we are inferior to them. We even embrace and celebrate it. No more need to pretend we are Alphas or even betas. Let us take our place at the very bottom of the hierarchy.
I was also thinking about my choice of being pathetic in my engagement with that Dom in Mexico City, who made me wear a skirt for the first time. I found him so hot and I got so excited by the way he treated me, calling me a "pretty girl." I just had to meet him again. I offered to stay with him and serve as his 24/7 house maid for a few days or longer. And aside from that, I was eager to meet him again, even just to hook up. He seemed interested, full of superlatives for me, and it would have been easy to meet, as he lived just a block away from my apartment.
But then he gave me the silent treatment and we never met again. I think the silent treatment is one of the most abusive practices toward people you've met, especially if you were leading them on, letting them believe that you were interested in meeting again. That doesn't apply to someone you've never talked to before. And I don't mean that this guy owes me an explanation. But at a minimum, after sending such strong signals that he was interested, it's reasonable to expect that he would communicate if that changed, even without providing a reason why.
Now, if this were a regular dating or hookup situation, I'd drop it right away, perhaps even block him and not degrade myself by continuing to express interest in someone who is not reciprocating. The problem is that as a sub, and especially as he already so thoroughly degraded me in our meeting, it was legitimate for me to continue to express interest and beg for him to use me and do anything he wanted to me. Having already been humiliated by him, there was no longer a taboo against being pathetic.
I was definitely pathetic. So shamelessly pathetic. Begging, groveling, pleading for him to take me and turn me into his sissy bitch. And I'm guessing that he liked it. He could have stopped it at any moment by telling me: "Stop, I'm not interested anymore," and that would have been the end of it. But he didn't. He read the messages and didn't block me, letting me continue to debase myself in front of him.
Being with him was one of the hottest experiences I've ever had and I was heartbroken not to repeat it. I thought I'd do anything for a chance to meet him again and hopefully become his slave. But that thought was misguided. While he hasn't said anything, whether because he enjoyed my continued degradation or he wasn't comfortable with rejecting or confronting me in any way, his continued silence should have been enough. I should have given up long ago. But in this case, I was being pathetic. I'm glad that finally, at long last, he blocked me today.
Now, bringing this conversation back to real-life, I wish to caution that being pathetic can be destructive. Whether you're on the submissive side or you're the Dom who is encouraging this behavior, keep in mind that there can be real-life consequences. I'm not a mental health professional, so please don't take this as professional mental health advice. However, my sense is that valuing ourselves and believing in our self-worth is important for our well-being and achieving success in our careers and relationships.
Of course, you also need to remember that aside from those kinky Doms and subs, most people seek their equals, whether for a long-term relationship or a standard vanilla hookup. Most guys may be put off by someone who acts pathetic, or someone who wants them to be pathetic. So taking a step in that direction requires an understanding to match expectations between all parties. If you're a Dom who wants to make specific demands of another guy, you need his consent to treat him in a degrading or abusive manner.
Most importantly, despite everything we say about ourselves and to each other in our kinky play as Doms, switches and subs—there isn't a real hierarchy. It is yet another social construct that we choose to accept. It's not an objective fact of life. Furthermore, even as Doms may sense our submission and sometimes help us discover the submissive role we may wish to play, in the end it is our own choice. Even when a Dom demands greater submission from a sub—kneeling, begging, being feminized, becoming a cumdump, serving as a urinal and so forth—it is the sub who makes the choice whether to submit and in what way. The sub really has power and it is up to him to decide if he wishes to surrender power to a Dom.
I said it before and I'll say it again: Know that you are valued and that you are worthy. You are equal to every other human being. Playing with being pathetic can be fun and there's nothing inherently wrong with that, as long as we remember that it's a game.
By the way, if you enjoyed this post, you may wish to check out my 4-post set of Mindfucked into Desperation, if you haven't already:
House Slave Fag