Give a sub Some Rope

After sharing with you last week my thoughts about the importance for Doms to respect limits, I want to add that they also need to be able to give a sub some rope.

Trust me, this is not a plot to make Doms softer on us subs. This is not even about asking for much more, but it is more accurately described as a kind of extension on the concept of limits. While limits are clearly defined and can ideally be communicated in advance, the need for rope is more loosely defined. A sub might not always know how much rope he needs exactly, but he should be able to signal that he needs ”some” rope.

Too often it seems a Dom doesn’t realize that he still needs to do some work to gain both a sub's trust and his will to submit to the Dom. Submission is something that the sub gives, not something the Dom takes.

Figuring out how much rope a sub needs exactly requires some emotional intelligence on the part of the Dom. For example, last week I engaged with a Dom who was on the emotionally dumber end of the spectrum. Despite very obvious mitigating factors, he expected more submission than I was ready to give before I had the chance to get  to know him.