How to Handle Financial Domination (Part 1)
How I slipped (or relapsed)
Whenever exploring the topic of financial domination (or findom in short) I recommend starting from my foundational three posts. You can listen to them on the podcast for free (e.g. on Apple or Spotify), or you can also read them here with a free subscription.
This post is a part of a series:
“How to Handle Financial Domination”
Part 1: How I Slipped
Part 2: Strategies for Protecting Yourself
Part 3: How to Spiral All the Way (If You Want)
Part 4: Putting It into Practice
In this post I’ll share my latest experience submitting to financial domination again. Since I managed to avoid it for a few months, this might offer a few lessons.
In my first dip into findom, almost a year ago, I dove all the way in. I was quite horny all the time, jerking off but not cumming much due to some restrictions. Therefore, edging only made me more horny, and sending money to FinDoms then became a way to get a kind of relief without cumming.
Just to clarify, while some of the time the restrictions were imposed by my Master, to get me more eager ahead of our meetings, my not cumming was mostly self-inflicted, because as I grew more horny and eager, I wanted to be of better service to the men I’d serve on the weekends at the cruising bars. I knew a heightened eagerness would be achieved by postponing my orgasms till after the weekend’s encounters.
More recently, I’ve been denied cumming ahead of more visits to my Master’s place. I was supposed to be locked on workdays, which was relatively good protection against edging and driving myself to spiral and send money to a FinDom. However, that doesn’t work for the weekends or holidays, when I’m not required to be locked, and it also fails if I’m being a bad boi and am too slow to relock when I’m supposed to. That means first thing in the morning (because I don’t lock at night), as well as after breaks, such as after a shower or after going to a meeting or doing a leg workout, because I wanted to be unlocked on those occasions. After all, the cage is just meant to prevent me from wasting time that should be spent on being productive. So if the cage didn’t come back on right away, I could still waste time jerking off, and then would be more eager to submit to others. It’s all about effective habit management.
But there’s more. I finally got in the mindset of feeling that sending to Master GingerDom was imminent when my Owner didn't let me cum. Usually he has no problem to allow it, but for some reason he decided to taunt me that day. He didn't even provide an explanation, just replied with a smirking emoji when I asked him if I could cum. Being unable to cum had the effect of making my place under other men feel very real. And when you’re feeling the most submissive, it is easier to justify any act of submission, including sending over $300 to a stranger.
That’s right. I sent $318 to Master GingerDom. My largest send ever. And I was also excited that it drove me to become a “4-digit finsub” for him. I have sent $1,056 to him in total.
Now, another thing is that timing is everything. I’ve been simmering with these urges for some time. And you could say that Master GingerDom just picked me up off a rebound with another FinDom, but I'll go into that some other time. Master GingerDom didn’t even do much, except for replying with a simple message when I asked to see more of his body. His price was $300. He could have asked for less. He could have engaged more with me to try to ensure that I send. But he stayed silent afterwards, until I sent him $318, five days later.
Was he playing hard to get as a tactic or was he just busy living his life? If we focus on the perspective of the sub and protecting ourselves from spiraling into findom, his motivation doesn’t really matter. But it’s good to remember this might be one of the triggers that was at work on me. I mean that whether he’s playing hard to get or he actually is hard to get, you may want to stop and think about whether that really matters to you. If you don’t want to spiral, then you better rid yourself of the notion that he's hard to get and replace it with the known fact that there are a lot of fish in the sea. Even if you’re playing with an exceptionally hot FinDom or you find him especially persuasive, there are others, and you always have agency to decide which FinDom you wish to submit to, and—because there are many fish, maybe you don’t really want to spend much on something that may be in such abundant supply.
This is a good moment to take a breather, whether you’re a very eager finsub or a professional FinDom who is outraged by this kind of blasphemy. I promise I’ll get to the part about spiraling further later in this series of posts, so bear with me if that’s what you want. For now, I want to focus on empowering subs to take more agency in their submission.
Back to my situation. Do you remember I reached out to Master GingerDom first and not him to me? It was the same when I first approached him, before ever leaking so much money to him. I merely sent him $10 back then to express appreciation for his work as a creator. That’s what a FinDom is after all, just like me. We get sexually excited by FinDoms. And he knew exactly how to take it from the moment I approached him.
When a sub reaches out to a FinDom, especially if the sub is expressing even modest or hinted interest in sending money to the FinDom, he’s automatically assuming an inferior position under the FinDom. He’s setting himself up for failure, so to speak. He’s signaling that he might be ready to submit to the FinDom further. So the FinDom doesn’t even need to try hard. He just needs to find which buttons to push—what it is that might excite the sub more. But he can play it cool, a little hard to get, because that will be more attractive.
Unless a sub is completely addicted, I think it's possible to make a decision that can help prevent sending, provided that this decision is clearly defined. He may make a categorical decision, that he just won’t send anymore because he can’t. Not "I don't want to send anymore." What if you're just telling that to yourself, but you're really tempted to send? Make a clear decision that you can't, because you need that money for other purposes (bills, food, or other needs or desires). Sure, some finsubs want to get completely ruined and cause themselves real harm. That could mean ruining their credit score or eating up their savings, having them end up hungry when they're retired. I don't condone that kind of findom. And if the money should go to dependents, there shouldn't even be a question—other people's money should never be spent on findom. So either say categorically, that you can't afford findom now, or earmark for yourself in advance all your funds to your different needs and desires and exclude findom (or limit it, if you still want some).
On the other hand, blocking a FinDom or quitting twitter might not be the best way to avoid spiraling. It's like hiding from it, rather than facing it and making deliberate decisions about it. I worry that avoidance will only make the urge to send stronger. In the few months that I didn't send, I continued to be exposed to FinDoms, including Master GingerDom (though I stopped the alerts for his every tweet). However, I was resolute in my decision—until I sought it again.
Of course, if you feel a specific FinDom continues to hold a lot of power over you, then yes, it may be a good idea to disengage. Definitely stop following him. I just think it's worth thinking more intently about your motivations and priorities and reminding yourself that despite this FinDom's pull on you, he's not special and you do have better things to do with your money—if you want to. Otherwise, you may quickly find yourself coming back to him and spiraling harder than before.
Finally, if you are addicted to findom, I recommend seeking professional help. Don't keep it to yourself. Don't be ashamed. Take care to prevent financial harm to yourself and your loved ones.
Those are my hunches about what might work, based on my own experience of avoiding findom for a while, and then slipping again. Next week I'll share some practical strategies that some subs (and addicts of all kinds) have found useful to protect themselves.
House Slave Fag