Wrapping Up No Nut November
Everything you need to know about the mindfuck of not cumming for a month
November was an intense month. After a much more difficult October, I was ready to get back to work and fun in November, including kink. My Owner had a funny way of mixing them together. He thought that if I were less busy with nutting, I could focus more on work. He's very supportive of my need to be productive and advance my work and job hunt, so that I'll be less stressed and will have more disposable income to spend on travels with him, especially on cruises.
But he thought wrong. I was careful not to be too blunt and say "I told you so," but the fact of the matter is that I had told him so when the month began. I know how my mind works and how horny I get. When I don't cum for more than three days, I get a mindfuck. It can be a sweet feeling, tingling in my hole and making me feel good about doing it, as a way to be more submissive toward others, including him, but really, toward all Doms I interact with. However, No Nut November gets me very distracted, the opposite of focused. Not being able to cum doesn't make me forget about it, as if I could just choose to put it out of my mind since it's futile. On the contrary, it makes me think about cumming all the time. It makes the urge to jerk off so much stronger.
Now, jerking off is another matter. If I were truly prevented from jerking off, that could get me less distracted, but not if I'm desperately horny. So being locked in chastity a lot of the time helped, but I was always tempted to jerk off, even though he told me he'd rather I didn't jerk off. It's just that the rules about jerking off were much looser than the rules about chastity. With chastity it was clear: I was required to be locked at times that I'm supposed to work or when I'm meeting with other guys. There was no such rule about jerking off.
I only made some progress with reducing my time jerking off toward the end of the month, when I decided to include a penalty in my performance fees system for when I jerked off for an hour. However, it's worth noting that I only resorted to this system when I realized I needed to do something because my productivity was going down (and again — I blame No Nut November).
My earlier monitoring system was not working as I intended, because I wanted it to keep me accountable to my Owner, but he didn't take interest. So I chose to be accountable to someone else and I figured money would be a good incentive for someone to monitor me, and for me to want to perform better, as a way to reduce my fees. To that end, I chose to be accountable to Master Sniff_Send, a FinDom.
Surely, that was not how my Owner would have liked me to improve my productivity or my performance on other goals, including fitness and nutrition. He wouldn't want me to give so much money to a stranger, when he knew I needed it, not to mention I should be spending it on cruises with him and gifts to him. But that was the best solution I could think of, after trying everything else.
If it weren't for No Nut November, I wouldn't have been so vulnerable to spiraling again for a FinDom, as much as I find Master Sniff_Send charismatic and charming, albeit sadistic. And it shouldn't be surprising, as the first time I spiraled was also when my Owner imposed chastity and restricted my cumming.
House Slave Fag
I had this idea about Denial December, in which I would be stricter about avoiding jerking off. But I think it would be better if I am allowed to cum every three days, or at least once a week. I wasn't surprised when Master Sniff_Send said I should be locked in chastity and not cum for another month. He knows I'm more useful to him when I'm horny and desperate. But I don't get why my Owner is doing it, especially after I explained it was counterproductive. It could be that he just wanted me to be eager ahead of my visit, as over the last year he has required that I don't cum for three weeks prior to our meetings. But if that's the case, why not just say it? I wonder if he might be clinging to the idea that I'd be more productive if I stopped wasting time on cumming.
In truth, I brought it upon myself at the beginning of November, when I mused about it with my Owner. He was going for some restrictions, but I helped define something so tight, without even the excuse that we were about to meet, and he was happy to impose it. Same for Master Sniff_Send and Denial December. I think I brought it up in a premium podcast episode and maybe he listened to it or read the transcript, since I shared with him everything that related to him. The thing is that I already know that not cumming is not great for my focus and productivity.
In the meantime, after cumming on December 1st, my Owner didn't let me cum the following day. As usual, when he doesn't want to approve a request, he just ignores it, so I never know what's going through his mind and what his reasons may be.
It was hard enough to stick it out until the end of No Nut November. I was so horny in the last few days. On November 30th, I texted my Owner early, to be sure nothing would prevent me from cumming at the stroke of midnight. But he ignored my messages. Yes, even when I repeated the question.
When midnight came, I dared ask again, but he wasn't checking his app to see my message. I tried not to have bad feelings about it, but honestly, I was ready to explode. And by that, I don't only mean I would cum a lot (as I later did), but I was worried I would get out of my sub headspace. After all, that was exactly why I asked so much in advance…so I wouldn't have to wait. That really upset me.
I wasn't even going to cum right away, as I was working late on a project with a deadline in the morning. But I couldn't stand the idea that I wouldn't be able to cum as soon as I was ready to take a break. I don't know how I was able to hold my tongue for as long as I did, but I'm glad I did. It took ten whole minutes until his permission came through. It felt like an eternity.
Finally I took a break to jerk off and cum, shortly after I got his message. As I expected, my Owner wanted me to make a video of it for him. That meant I couldn't have a call with Master Sniff_Send that night. I had been thinking about doing that when I was allowed to cum, despite the prohibitive cost of a one-one-one with him. I'm digressing, but I just thought that there was a point in showing that a big drain was coming at the end of No Nut November. This month consumed me and drove me so deep in my submission. The call with Master Sniff_Send came the following day, but that's a matter for another post.
As I've shared in the past, I've learned that cumming after a long period of abstinence does not produce a great orgasm. It can be a more exhausting orgasm, and I shot out a way bigger load than average. But the orgasm was not spectacular. It was just average. So don't let anticipation for the big orgasm be the thing to justify locking up for a while.
Now that November is over, I seriously worry that my Owner wants me not to cum again in December. I asked him three times for permission to cum and he didn't answer. Master Sniff_Send flat out said I should submit to his control too, and not to cum without his permission (even when I get it from my Owner). He said I needed to learn to cum from getting fucked, but that's way easier said than done. I want to be his bitch so badly, but if my Owner lets me cum, I'd want to cum.
Fast forward to December 2nd, and I finally had a normal chat with my Owner. He'll let me cum when the beard I just trimmed grows back to the length he likes. I always trim it because it gets so itchy and disheveled. I don't know why he cares when I'm so far away from him. I'll have the beard a little longer by the time I arrive, but I'll trim three times before then. So that means another week without cumming.
And oddly, he said he wanted me to keep some of that "lust energy" for when I arrive. He sometimes wants me to arrive eager, but then he lets me cum, because he doesn't want me to be on edge when I'm around him. But there you have it, he's going to make me stay desperate through December.
